...Lindsay Lohan

Ohmigod!

So. West Hollywood is totally crazy on a Monday night! (But really... now that I think of it, when is West Hollywood not crazy?!) Seriously! The gays know how to party! Even on a school night!

Okay. So I totally deserved to go out. I'm working on my new album and most of my day was spent in the studio laying down and mastering four tracks: "Samantha, U R My Gurl", "Daddy Doesn't Love Me", "Cokehead Blues", and "Oops, I Crashed My Car Again".

So. The first is a tender ballad with mad-crazy Indian strings and this incredible vocal loop that totally sounds like nothing else that's ever been written. Ever. Except maybe that Imogen Heap song. And of course, it's about Sam Ronson, who is my total BFF. Some might say "my lover", but if you think I'm dishing about that, you're wrong! "Daddy Doesn't Love Me" is the toughest song I've ever written. Here's a sneak preview of the opening line: "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy/You treated me like crap/I never wanted to be in/the movie Parent Trap". Isn't that awesome? "Cokehead Blues" is the craziest song I've ever written. There are, like, guitars and synthesizers and yodeling in it. I think there's a goat somewhere in there, too. It's wild. "Oops, I Crashed My Car Again" is totally punk! Think, like, Good Charlotte! Not that crappy punk from the late 1970s. Like, real punk!

Okay. So I was cooped up in a studio and totally needed to let loose. So Sammy came over at 9:45. We spent a little bit of time in the hot tub, drinking appletinis, and talking about... you know, stuff... like Ashlee's pregnancy and Amy's arrest. Famous people are so crazy! Anyway. So Sam & I were really drunk by, like, 10:30, but the night was young! And so are we!

So. We hopped in my car and drove to West Hollywood. I might have hit a dog on the way, but I was so wasted, it could have been a squirrel. Or a child. Seriously, though... it's not my fault. Keep your pets (or children) on leashes, America!

Okay. So we went to this amazing nightclub, Codpiece, and there were so many hot guys. Most of them were totally gay and making out... but this is West Hollywood, right? Right. So Sam was like, "You want to make out, Lindsay?" and we did. And everyone was cheering and ordering us more drinks. I must have had at least 5 Long Island Iced Teas. I mean, I was rocked.

So. Apparently the 'razzi showed up and started taking pictures of me and Sam... who, by this time, was only wearing panties. It was crazy! But we're totally not gay. We just like to hang out and explore each other's bodies. With our mouths. I mean, if that's gay, then the Pope is Catholic, right? Oh wait. Is the pope Catholic? I can never remember. Religion is like math... it's really confusing.

Okay. So there are probably going to be photographs in inTouch this week. Ignore them! It was totally innocent. Anyway, so it was like 8 in the morning by the time we were finished partying. Sam tried to convince me that I was too drunk to drive home, but I was totally sober! I hadn't had a drink in, like, 30 minutes. That's totally enough time to absorb all that alcohol. On the way home, I might have taken a shortcut. Through the mall. It's all a blur. God, I hope I didn't do too much damage.

Love ya, journal!
Lindsay

Joe says: Big shout out to Vitamin Water for making acai-blueberry-pomegranate flavored water, which sorta looks like wine in dim light!