...Paris Hilton

Dear Diary,

Things that are currently hot:
• Me
• Tinkerbell
• My vintage Christian LaCroix sundress
• Razorburn on my cho-cha

Things that are currently not hot:
• My films

So. Here's what I'm going to propose to my agent: new films that focus on my talents.

Idea #1: A film called Corpse. In it I would play a corpse. People in the movie would be figuring out how I died and stuff. But, like, I wouldn't move or act or anything because I'm dead.

Idea #2: A film called Uh-Oh. In it three friends and I are going on a wilderness adventure. But in, like, the first two minutes, I'm knocked unconscious by a grizzly bear. My friends spend the rest of the movie trying to get me to a hospital.

Idea #3: A film called Irony. While exploring in a jungle, a famous singer (me) gets laryngitis and succumbs to paralysis moments later when a pit viper bites her. Will the record company executives find her in time for her awesome concert at Madison Square Garden?

Idea #4: A film called Shut It, Maisy Buttit. I'll play Maisy Buttit, a high school student who is bound in gagged by jealous classmates during the opening credits of the film. Maisy is shoved into the janitor's closet, where a paint can falls on her head. She totally blacks out! Luckily, Maisy's chihuahua, Hank, is with her. Hank seeks vengeance on Maisy's aggressors.

I've been trying to call my agent for the last five days, but he isn't picking up. He must be really busy. Will keep you updated on progress.

xoParisxo