Dear Diary,
The cat is out of the bag: I am awesome. Also, I am on the verge of a career in comedy.
I've said a lot of funny things to my students in LIS 2600, and I've fortunately had the foresight to scrawl down most every blessed drop of humor that I squeezed out.
So now, o' comforting journal, I present:
On things not to say in front of your young son in the event that he repeats aforementioned phrase in wife's presence:
"You eyeballin' me?"
On Schadenfreude:
"And even though we don't curve grades, when others do worse than us, we feel better about ourselves."
On the importance of offering audial information in tandem with visual information:
"A patron might ask, 'How do I use this Internet thing?' to which you should respond, 'Do you see that "x" in the upper right hand corner? Click on it. Now get up and walk away. You're not smart enough to be using this computer."
On being corrected by smart-assed former English teachers-turned-librarians and how they will interact with patrons while teaching Dewey Classification:
"You are now in 'Mammals' and this how you spell it."
On intellectual property:
"I want you to brainstorm ideas that I can take and publish and make a ton of money and you just get mad... because that's the kind of irony that I find funny."
On WebMD:
"You figure out what rash you've got and who you should stop hanging out with."
On people who fail to back-up their files:
"Some of you are running around with IT scissors in your hands. And one day..." [ominously puts hand to eye.]
On my obsession with financial security:
"DBAs make a ton of money... fancy suits... more than the chancellor, less than the basketball coach... nice salary... mid-six figures... add value to a resume... job security... more money in my pocket... long lunches, long lunches, long lunches, long lunches..."*
On Westinghouse:
"When Westinghouse I Westinghouse worked Westinghouse at Westinghouse, I Westinghouse didn't Westinghouse get Westinghouse a Westinghouse long Westinghouse lunch."*
*Not direct quotes
The good news is, journal, that my students really liked me this semester. Here's what they've said!
"He likes the Steelers." - Andrea
"His jokes at the beginning of class keep the joke-telling tradition alive!" - Maggie
"I bet he's fun at a barbecue." - Tim
"Dan Wilson is a sharp dresser!" - Paula
"Imitation, Dan Wilson, is the sincerest form of flattery. PS: You didn't actually think you wouldn't be one of my entries, did you?! C'mon. You being the final target was the whole reason I started this thematic blog." - Joe Prince
Hooray for a great semester!
xox Dan
4 comments:
Well done, Joe. You certainly kept us laughing this term.
Thanks - that made me laugh! You nailed him, down to the blue shirt!
Professor Wilson's wife
"mid-six figures"??? Do you really believe everything that you are told??? If so I have some real estate that I would like to discuss. Ever been to Brooklyn???
I only just discovered this blog (through the comment you left on SCALA). It's quite funny. I hope you'll keep posting. In exchange, I promise to add you to my Google Reader. Deal?
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